Mental Health...Medication...and the Christian response

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It's always been a month that I hold near and dear to me. If you're someone who knows me, I've told my story endless times. The short version is I've dealt with mental illness since I was 6 years old. I have dealt with it my entire life in a family that doesn't understand, accept, or believe in mental illness. 

I spent most of my early adulthood comparing my mental illness to my mother's diabetes...comparing my having to take medication to her having to take medication. It never sunk in. 

I've also spent my life dealing with so-called believers in Christ who do not believe mental illness is real. 

It took me until last year to accept that medication is okay and that it does not deny the sovereignty of God. 

It took me until last year to have people in my life who are Christians who do believe in the reality of mental illness and who do believe in the necessity of good mental health. 

I tried twice to remove myself from medication because I thought taking medicine was taking away the holiness of God. 

Wrong-o!

So what exactly DOES the bible say about mental illness? Is it because of the sin in my life? Is it because of demons (as some believe)? 

To be honest illness in many ways is because of the fall of man. 

So yes...mental illness is because of sin. 

Not necessarily my own sin, though. 

There are many instances in the Bible where we see people suffering from despair, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. 

King David (Psalm 38:4), Job (Job 3:26), Elijah (1 Kings 19:4), and Jonah (Jonah 4:3). 

All suffered from depression. 

The Lord, however, answered them in His way. 

God has also given people in our lives the ability to create medication...and He's given us the ability to think and know that if we need medication for something, we should take it. 

It took 20 years to figure out the best medications for me. 

It wasn't easy. 

I do believe medication should be taken alongside counseling. 

I went off and on to a secular counselor--and then most recently to a biblical counselor. There's a major difference and a huge success rate with them coinciding. 

I've had people ask me, "can you tell a difference when you don't take your medicine?"

Yes. 

100% yes. 

Just like anyone who is sick...once a person stops taking their needed medications there is a difference. Maybe not after a day or 2, but in time the symptoms of the illness do show up again...sometimes worse than they did before treatment. 

My whole point in this post is that mental health should be taken seriously. Just like any other illness. And being a Christian does not negate mental illness. 

Being a Christian does not cause immunity to mental illness. 

It is real. It requires treatment. 

It is OKAY to seek treatment. 

It is OKAY to take medicine. 

It is OKAY to ask for help!

Almost 26 years after my first diagnosis with mental illness...I've finally found my voice on the issue. Not only have I found my voice--but WITH medication and WITH counseling and WITH constant surrender to the Lord, I finally feel healthy. 

Friends...if you know someone who is struggling, point them in the right direction. 

And if you need help finding the right direction, let me know...we'll talk...and I'll give you my own recommendations on good counseling and psychiatry. 

Take care of yourselves, friends, especially during this pandemic. 

Day 34...

It's day 34 of Quarantine...ask me why I know it's day 34? Because 34 days ago I left my school building for the last time, with the idea in my head that I would see my students again in 2 days. Friday the 13th, of all days, was the last day I saw the most amazing 6th graders around. While "quarantine" didn't technically start until that Monday...I count it. 
34 days (minus 5) of teaching online. Of checking emails, calling parents, helping students into the evening, and praying those I haven't heard from are okay. 
34 days of not being with my church family like I'd like to be. Of going to the church office on Sunday's to either "be the audience" or to help with the facebook feed. Zoom call after Zoom call, google meet after google meet, everything is taking place through technology. Ordering groceries online for curbside pickup, wearing masks (or trying to find a mask)...34 days of trying to figure out a new normal. 
That all sounds a little negative doesn't it? I had to get through the hard reality first. 
34 days of trying not to waste my quarantine. 
What does "waste my quarantine" mean? 
It means...making the most of this extra time I have to spend time with my savior when I complain all the time that I don't have enough time. This has been 34 days of nothing but time. 
Praying those hard prayers that I know don't go past His ears. 
Reading scripture after scripture, not only for encouragement, but for reality. 
Waking up each morning with a new song in my heart. 
Recognizing that this is nothing in the face of our future. Nothing in the face of reality. 
God has this. God has not left us. He is a just God who answers prayers in His time and in His way. He is not ignoring us. He is not being mean...He's being Just. He's being sovereign. 
34 days of unlimited time with Jesus. 
Yes, I'm having to work from home as a lot of us are having to do. Yes--many are still having to make the drive to work. We're living as though God pressed pause for a little bit though. 
Time seems to almost be standing still. He's taken our lives, He's rearranged (or wiped clean) our schedules. Really the only things on our schedules now might be work and zoom calls. 
So why waste this time? 
Take the opportunity to spend time with Jesus right now. In these minutes. When your mind starts to wander...when things start to seem overwhelming...when you're at the point of so much isolation that you can't stand yourself anymore...turn to Jesus. Crack open your Bible and read...there's going to be something in those pages that applies to today. Turn to Paul's letters and preachings. Start there! 
This is not 34 days of the worst life we could live. 
This is not 34 days so far of negativity and anxiety (though the world likes to make it seem that way).
Turn off the news. 
Stop reading articles about COVID-19 for a little bit. 
Start reading God's message to you and me. 
I guarantee life will look better if you do that instead of listening to all the opinions going on in the world. 

So yes, it's been 34 days so far. The world around us has shut down. Reality seems strange and different. We can't visit with people like we want. We can't go see our church family like we'd love to do. We are longing for those hugs again. And who knows just how much longer we will be in isolation? Regardless...God is with us. He's in control. He's on the throne. He knows the answers. 34 days is nothing to Him. 
Focus on the moment you are in. Focus on God's word. Turn to Him :). 

What is God's response to COVID-19?

We are living in a time where people are fearful of what's going on in our world...a time that we really didn't see coming, didn't imagine coming...a time where we have said in the past "that'll never happen to us" or "well it's in other parts of the world, it won't reach the US". 
We have questions. We think that having questions is showing lack of faith, but as my pastor preached this morning through Habakkuk, having questions is not a lack of faith at all. 
If you'd like to hear my pastor's sermon from Habakkuk or ANY of his sermons, click here. 
Today's message was one that really hit home with what's going on in our world. 
My pastor said this morning "Times of uncertainty can produce a lot of worries in our heart."--This resonates so true through this time of uncertainty. We question, well how many more people is this virus going to hit? How many more will die? Why is God not hearing our cries? Why is He not healing our world? 
These questions...as my pastor said today...are not indicative of a lack of faith. 

Abraham, David, and Job all questioned...all "complained"...all implored to the Lord. But these questions have a way of drawing us closer to the Lord. 

I don't want to give the full sermon away, because I'd love for everyone to listen to it...but God will and is answering us. In His time and in His way. 
Just like when Habakkuk was asking His questions...God's answer was that He was Judging Babylon. But as Habakkuk continued to question and wait on the Lord, God softened his heart and finally answered with this..."the wicked will be punished and the righteous must live by faith"

God will answer our cries. In HIS timing. 

He has not forsaken us. He has not changed. He is still on the throne. He will reign and those of us who are in His will, we will be saved. 

I've learned so much not just from my pastor's sermon, but also from just being home...God is sovereign. 
He is every present in our times of trouble. 
He loves His people, and He longs for us to spend time with Him. 
Who knows? Maybe this pandemic is a way to bring His people closer to Him...maybe it's a way to draw people to Christ. Maybe, just maybe, it will save our world. 
People need hope. Our ONLY hope is in Jesus. 
Right now...in this pandemic...people are searching for any type of hope. My prayer is they will find Christ in the midst of all of this. 

Let us continue in prayer with each other. Let's pray for our world. Pray that God will continue to have his hand on this situation. Pray that those of us who are in Him will draw nearer to Him, and that despite loneliness we can remember He is with us. 

Let us continue to hold out hope. To hold on to our faith. 

God will respond. He will answer our questions. He will continue to hold us. Seek Him!

Trust God

I came across this on my timehop today--3 years ago, clearly something in my life was going on that provoked me to write this in my journal. I couldn't begin to tell you what it was now. Maybe if I go back to that journal, I could figure it out. 
Today, however, it provoked a new emotion. Not fear. Peace. As we are in the midst of a world crisis right now, we need to remember who the King of this world is. We need to remember who is ultimately in control. I have to say, that praise God, through this time I have not experienced fear. I trust my savior. 
Philippians 4:6-7 says "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

And Isaiah 43:1 says "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine."

The Lord calls us His. 

He commands us not to fear, not to worry, not to be anxious, because He is our redeemer and He is in control. 

While the whole world seems completely chaotic and out of control right now, let us not forget who we belong to. Let us not forget the spirit who lives within us. 

Let us not forget who is IN control. 

My God is bigger than this virus. He is bigger than sickness. My God is in control. 

Routines

This morning as I drank my coffee and I spent time in the word, I couldn't help but be thankful for what has become my new routine. Although most routines happen at the same time each day--mine happens when I can sit down and do it. I'm in love with what God has given me.
I sit down each day with my prayer journal, and I write out my prayers. I love that I have come into this new place of writing what I pray--1) it allows for me to go back and see what God has answered but 2) it allows for me to really get in depth with my prayers and for me not to lose focus as I tend to do.
Once i've had my prayer time, I move on to my daily devotional which comes from Paul Tripp's book "New Morning Mercies". I love sitting down each day and hearing exactly what God needs to say to me for that day--I've noticed a pattern as of late--most of what I'm doing in my devotional ties together with what I'm doing in bible study, and it's beautiful. Just yesterday I wrote about wisdom and I wrote about some verses from James--today I found myself in those same verses during my devotion time as it talked about Envy. Read James 3 when you get the chance!
When I finish with my devotional I spend time doing scripture writing. You can get a scripture writing plan for each month from here
I love the scripture writing because it allows for me to really hone in on the scripture and focus in on what God's word has to say. Usually each month there is a theme. But it keeps my heart focused and my mind focused on God's word.
Then I normally go into my Bible Study Fellowship time and I love that time because it's so in depth and beautiful.
God is really teaching me about who He is through this routine. I sit with my coffee and just take in the beauty of who our Savior is. I love it. I love knowing my savior loves me at all times, no matter the circumstances. No matter what--I am His.
If I miss a day of my routine--He forgives me.
He loves us all.
He longs for us to spend time with Him.
And can I tell you something? I long for that time too! While I'm teaching each day I can't wait for a break where I can spend time in God's word. My bible goes with me to school. And if I have no meetings during my planning period, then I spend time in God's word. And it's always beautiful.

What's your routine?

Whose Wisdom do we seek?

Who is wise among us? Wisdom is spoken of throughout the words of the Bible. From Isaiah, to James, to 1 Corinthians--we see Wisdom as a key element in the word of God. As I'm learning about things in my life, where I'm seeking out wisdom in these areas, I'm reminded of whose wisdom I am seeking.

Isaiah 5:21 says "Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes" while 1 Corinthians 2 says "...and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God".

Those who are wise in their own eyes will be humbled by God with the foolish. We should not seek out our own wisdom or man's wisdom, but the word of God and the power of the Spirit.

I say all this to say that while I'm seeking out what I should do about situations in my life--I pray for wisdom from God, not from myself. While I'm being held accountable by people in my life--I should seek out God's word and what He ultimately has to say about the situations in my life. Man is not God. I should not idolize people. So when I'm finding help for what I'm trying to be healed from, I must always seek out the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit.

We're all called to this. While God gives us wisdom from himself, man is not Christ. Man cannot save us, or heal us. Only Christ can do that. So draw near to God. Lean on the Holy Spirit and seek out the power that is given to us only by the Spirit. While wisdom is good, it must be found in the right place.

Draw near to Him.

Being reconciled to Christ

I always start a new blog and I fail to keep up with it. I, recently, however have wanted to truly share my thoughts on what I’m learning as I devour the scriptures. On this first day of February, 2020 I sat here doing my scripture writing, looked back in my notebook, and realized it had been one full year since I started scripture journaling. And I realized, too, I have a lot of thoughts.

So here goes.

My prayer is someone will come upon this blog and be encouraged.

In the last year I’ve been so off and on about being in Gods word and truly learning from Him. I’ve gone back and forth between doing well with devouring scripture and not falling into perpetual sin, to backsliding and not being in His word and falling into sin habits that should’ve disappeared a long time ago, so I thought.

But I’m human. I’m a sinner. We all are. What I HAVE learned from this is that when we are so deep in Gods word, and so saturated by what He has to say to us, we don’t have time or the desire to fall into our same sin patterns. I’ve seen this in myself even in the last month. I’ve been in the word every day since the new year started. But there’s a difference between being in the word and truly listening to God. I can read scripture all day long, but if my heart is not open to what God has to say, then my reading is worthless.

I praise God he has placed people in my life who hold me accountable and who I can’t help but be honest with. Transparency is so beautiful in the body of believers. When we are transparent and honest with each other, accountability comes in and strips us of pride. So in the midst of reading scripture I’ve still fallen into sin. Which is where my community comes in.

In the midst of church and sermons and Bible Study Fellowship there’s been a reoccurring theme. Community. It’s pertinent to our walks as Christians. God did not create us to be alone. In community we hold each other up. We share with each other. We point each other to scripture and we keep each other safe from harm. Praise God for the community He’s given me. Within this community I can’t help but be transparent and my transparency has led me to a Puritan book from the 1600’s. The unabridged version of “the mortification of sin” by John Owen.
This is not just a leisurely read, but it’s something you have to chunk and chew on.
In this book John Owen speaks of sin in such a way that it is something that must be killed in our lives. We have to stop leaning on ourselves and our desires and we have to start leaning on Christ and ridding ourselves of the things that kill our soul.
Instead of allowing sin to kill us slowly, we must kill sin.
“Mortification from a self-strength, carried on by ways of self-invention, to the end of a self-righteousness, is the soul and substance of all false religion in the world.”

Self.

We are led into sin by temptation and by reliance on self rather than God.

The Bible tells us we must die to ourselves. Maybe it’s not just about the mortification of sin, but also the mortification of self.

So as I read this book I’m reminded to be in the word. To mortify the underlying power of sin in my life. To be transparent.

I’m falling in love all over again with who God is. By diving into His word and saturating myself with its truth. By being reminded that sin and self must die. I’m desiring Gods perfect and holy will in my life, but I’m also desiring it for others in my life. I’m journaling my prayers and lifting up my community in such as way that I desire for them to be overcome by Gods good and perfect will in their own lives.

But this is not about me and what Gods doing for me. Rather it’s about Christ and what I can do for Him as I spend time learning from Him.

I want this blog to be about God and his healing power and what I’m learning from Him.

I want it to be a place of transparency where as I learn from God I share what I’m learning so others can see His mighty power.

So please, if you come across this blog, share it. Share your thoughts with me. And let’s also build a community of believers here where we can converse about who God is in our lives.